It’s January…sort your shit out.

I don’t normally make New Years resolutions. I tell myself I don’t want to devalue the previous years wonderful-ness when actually there’s plenty of stuff I could improve on, I am just too lazy. Since I haven’t posted anything since last year (ironically, because I am so lazy) I thought I would list my more achievable (and in most cases, pretty shallow) New Years resolutions:

– Only buy good quality knitwear. 

Hold the Nobel prize, this one’s a winner. After my favourite Zara striped jumper became a bobbly rag after one 30° wash, I vowed never again. It is the perfect resolution; means I can spend more money on clothes and trick myself into thinking I will spend less (“quality instead of quantity blah blah blah”). That being said I am only 7 days in and I am already eyeing up a Marks & Spencer jumper that is 79% acrylic – and they say giving up smoking is tough.

– Lose weight.

I know what you’re going to say…genius. ‘Where do you get your ideas from?’ ‘They just come to me’ A classic resolution that often falls by the wayside…but I am not aiming for Victoria’s Secret (I am guessing her secret is not eating cake), I just don’t want to hear my bingo wings flapping when I put on deodorant in the morning.


– Wean the babies.

This is not so much a resolution as something I have to do to avoid being charged with child abuse.

Time for real food boys.
– Drive.

Having passed my driving test about 10 years after normal people did, I haven’t properly driven since that fateful day. MUST re learn and not shut my eyes and hope for the best at roundabouts.

– Print photographs. 

This goes hand in hand with getting some good photos of all four of us and actually printing them (onto nice paper, not cushions, mugs, plates, key rings, placemats, coasters, pillows, T shirts or tote bags). I would like a good quality bound photo album with minimal effort, easy peasy…lemon squeezy.

image1 (3).JPG
The last photo of us all and I don’t remember which one I am holding…
– Remove makeup every night.

This will also encourage me to put some on every day – everybody wins when I don’t look like a meth addict.

– Write more regularly.

It makes me feel less like my brain cells are dying when I still know the difference between there, their and they’re despite having sung fifteen consecutive verses of “If you’re happy and you know it” as well as four readings of Digger to the Rescue*

*Plot summary: A digger called Joey doesn’t help his mates out with work but then ends up having to save them from imminent death/rust – it’s a pretty basic plot with very little humour or dramatic tension, plus the ending is given away in the title, don’t waste your money.

– Stop washing my hair every day.

For the past 9 years I have washed my hair every single day and then put it into a bun…I am going to approach this in the same way as I will approach weaning – with caution and without crying.

I will wake up like this…
– Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.

I will hopefully be negotiating a return to work that means I can talk to other adults about shoes while consuming regular hot cups of tea on a daily basis (plus a LUNCH BREAK) while getting paid actual money but still not feel like I am abandoning my children. This will, of course, only be until I come up with something that will make me my millions – so far my only idea has been some sort of apparatus to keep a dummy in…but the concept is basically a gag and probably a serious choking hazard, so back to the drawing board.

– Get nice knickers.

I am still using Mothercare caesarean pants even though the elastic is now frayed…they are so comfortable but look like I live on a ward.

Then there are two final resolutions which I should make but will never stick to…so what’s the point? They are…

– Use my phone less.

Three years ago I cracked the screen and was ridiculed by friends for crying about it. I had been drinking at the time but I would almost certainly tear up if it happened again, and not just because my insurance doesn’t cover accidental damage. I love my phone and I don’t know which direction I am facing without Google maps.

– Wear more colour.

Grey is a colour & leopard print is neutral. Fact.

I am aware that none of these resolutions are going to change the world. Much like my non existent exercise regime, I am going low impact.

Now I am off to hunt out more good quality knitwear, on my phone, with unwashed hair and a face full of makeup…I wonder what I can find in grey…

ALL the grey : )

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